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Of Farming Experts

On this small matter of education, I have some major beef with JKUAT & Egerton University.

These two institutions claim to specialise on agricultural studies and agribusiness, etc., but their standards are as far behind as Vera Sidika’s hind assets.I have an example to prove that: onions.Yea, onions.

Today’s onions are thick and fleshy, again, like Vera, but extremely lame (not saying she’s lame too or implying a correlation, *clearing throat*). Anyways, remember when cutting an onion made you cry? Well, that’s a thing of the past now, and it’s a hard blow for the male humans in particular.

In theory a man could hide behind onion-induced tears to release their build-up of emotional frustration, but that’s no longer an option, I’m afraid.If you’re dirty minded, you can literally squirt all the juice from these thick, fleshy onions, but they will not make your eyes wet with tears.Word is that onions are being made to grow twice the normal size in the farms in less than half the normal time.

And let’s not even start talking about the absolutely tasteless but stunningly appealing greenhouse tomatoes. The same is happening to cabbages, carrots, hohos, and just about anything that sprouts from the rich soils of our land.

So they have been giving chicken Botox injections for years, and we eventually made peace with that. We can live with fattened chicken. (See attractive chicken photo attached.)

But over the last few years, the farming industry has been horrifyingly artificial in a quest for bigger and quicker profits. And here’s the shocking coincidence: over the last few years JKUAT and Egerton have released thousands of “Agriculture Experts” into the world just so they can shove it up our *****.

And just to spite us further, university campuses are mushrooming in every corner of every county to poison more minds.(Edit: recently met a guy from Masinde Muliro University doing his “Sugar Technology” degree. WTH is that?)So what were these young people doing in school over those 4 years?

Downloading notes from Wikipedia? I know, right?Bearing in mind that you can still get away with a 2nd Class Upper even if you’re literally drunk throughout the 4 years, you wonder whether our education system should be called “educonning system.”

Peace be upon you JKUAT and Egerton grads, it’s not your fault.

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